Short and sweet.
The artsy friend.
Entirely too dramatic.
Doesn't have a clue.
"You can't fight the tears that ain't comin
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive."
Goo Goo Dolls
"Don't think we're not serious
When's it ever not?"
Jimmy Eat World
"Because I knew you
I have been changed for good."
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
A stupid little online survey asked me once what the most horrible feeling in the world was. Being fifteen at the time, I responded, " Well... sadness... I guess." But I, being young and an idiot, did not know that there was worse. The most horrible feeling in the world is not plain sadness or depression. It is guilt. It's knowing that you've done something irrevocable that will or that definitely has the potential to change your life for the worse - or someone's whom you love. And you have to live with it, because it isn't in your power to change it, or make it better. It's knowing that you did something bad when you knew better, and could have churned out a happier alternative ending. That sour, restless, boiling feeling builds and builds inside your stomach, but you know that for all your apologizing, the phrase I'm sorry is not going to cut it - won't erase what happened. It's just a sort of helpless situation until what happened becomes routine, or the person you've wronged gets over it.
Hell. Hell hell hell. Hell on wheels. Sometimes I'm a fucking idiot. But I'm better.
Will Harding University EVER STOP SENDING ME E-MAILS?! The answer is no, my friend. No and no and no.
Waaaaait a second! I don't think anybody expected THIS!
Posted at 11:45 pm by AoiHoshi
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Lather, Rinse... Conditioner?!
Taylor Hicks, that guy in his twenties who already has grey hair and whom I believe wants to become this generation's new-wave Elvis, got more votes to be named American Idol than the President got when he was elected. I do love America.
I finally was well enough to burst into random bouts of song today. First time in a week and a half. It was godly-good. Hanky-panky. And my new room has great acoustics! Compensation I suppose, for stifling my creativity. I need blue to feel comfortable and relaxed, and all the green makes me want to do is listen to Enya and wear Pretty Pink Princess lipstick and write poems about flowers. Rah.
Clerks II. Let me at this.
Having never seen Clerks I, I (naively) assumed I was in for two-ish hours of more modern, slightly dirtier Monty-Python-like humor, where two guys have madcap adventures trying to run a gas station. And while it was hilarious (in that I might throw up way), it was pure shock value. And while I was entertained... I might never recover. Oh well.
I love the little triplets I am babysitting, and they love me. When I came back the second time, I walked in the door, and after the mother said "Hey there darlin'!" the first thing I heard was a skinny, towheaded, 5-year-old boy say, "Kate! I missed you!" Cue melting into a giant puddle all over the floor. They're so sweet.
I said towheaded, didn't I? Damn.
Posted at 12:00 am by AoiHoshi
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Are you changing? Do you know it? Do you feel it?
I have never been so busy and so pressed for time before that I've forgotten a meal. Yet today, organizing and re-organizing all my things and carting them all down the hall a hundred billion times, it suddenly occurred to me that my head hurt and I wanted to lie down. Wait a second. I haven't had lunch. Cue "Kate-you-are-retarded" auto-answer. Well I did have coffee at breakfast; I was probably coming down from the caffeine.
There is nothing more entertaining than IHOP. It's just such a wonderful novel idea, and it always is! It never gets old! "I'm hungry. It's 11 o' clock at night. Hmmm... PANCAKES!" And that is perfectly acceptable! It's lovely, it's like home; you can go in pajamas, and as long as... things... aren't hanging out of them, nobody cares! The seats are bouncy, and your waitress will be only too happy to give you smiley-face pancakes. Even if you are eighteen grown-up years old, they will give them to you if you ask.
I moved out of my room today, and into the one down the hall. I am going to miss my real room, but there is one thing I'm excited about: I get a full bed. My whole life, I've always slept on a twin mattress, because I never grew big enough to merit getting a larger one. But now I have one. And tonight when I finally go to sleep, I'm going to position myself spread-eagle and just lie there, feeling how cool it is to be able to stretch out on a mattress. ^_^
And I'm tired of so much wanting... but what if - don't even think it!... but why not? I ache for you...
How much do I love it? A LOT! Ben Lee is beautiful. That's the very first CD I listened to when I finally got situated in the new room today. The winter IS long in the city, and that IS the way I like it! Fo' rizzle.
I've become less intrigued by Project Runway. Sad, isn't it? I liked it when it was my own little gem of goodness in a desert of nasty reality TV shows (what a metaphor!), but it's getting such attention and people are making such a huge deal out of it that I'm afraid it'll get over-hyped. (Damn Emmys.)
It's amazing how much like children we're becoming. It is so much fun to watch Ali get worked up and scared over nothing; I wonder if anyone else has noticed that - and yeah, the park wasn't the best idea. How would you react if you lived on the perimeter of a playground and, at 11:30 at night, there are ten teenagers who by all rights should know better, who are screaming at the tops of their lungs to see who can do it loudest? I'd pee myself. Teenagers are terrifying. They're so weird. No, we're not - we enjoy playing make-believe, just like any other child.
"HEY! Let's play Mid-East Crisis!" "I CALL IRAN! I CALL IRAN!" - Dusty and Nick
Lebanon spent the entire time trying to get off the tire swing and giggling hysterically. (Iran was bullying me.)
We hightailed it before any damage could be done to any of our permanent records, and chose a more dangerous and destructive (if you're looking at the ozone layer) yet quieter method of recreation - ghost-hunting. Well, it wasn't quiet. I think we were singing Christmas carols "like a dying choir" as Ali eloquently put it. And Britney Spears, too. Who else is a liiiiiittle freaked out that Nick knew all of the words to every Britney song we thought of? He knew more than Laine did. That is quite a feat.
Stranger things have happened...
Posted at 12:11 am by AoiHoshi
Sunday, July 16, 2006
It was a dark and stormy night!
Monday night, instead of my usual bout with the Internet until the wee hours of the morning, I ended up talking on the phone with Dustyn until arooouuunnnd 6:30. In the AM. Because his power was out. (Man I love cell phones!) It suddenly occurred to me around 5 that I was exhausted and my throat was sore, but I just crawled under my covers and talked more softly for ninety more minutes. We talked about... hmmm... life, I think. We probably went through every event that had happened to us during the past two years, and then some. And the next morning (at 8:30 - it was like a 2-hour nap!), my Mom asked if I'd been talking on the phone all night, and I had to act tired and unabashedly tell her yes. But we both have Cingular, and it fell into the "free nights and weekends" category - so by all rights neither of us should have to pay for it... except me. He's dragged me into the vicious cycle of an offset circadian rhythm. I will not succumb!
I am le sick. It's not very fun at all. Summer colds are the worst, because you're freezing while you're running fever, yet it's TOO HOT OUTSIDE to have soup! You just feel like there is nowhere to turn for comfort! Last night I wanted something warm in my tummy - but I knew if I had anything hot I'd be uncomfortable. But anything cold didn't sound appetizing either! And once you're eighteen, your mom doesn't let you sleep on her bed and bring you Sprite in a sippy cup with a lid! The worst part is that I know I won't be able to go deep underwater when I'm swimming any more, because my sinuses would explode. Curse all viruses ever. Aren't even alive. They're scared to die. Pansies.
Eyes are not the windows to your soul. They are the windows to your retinas. (Really! That's what red-eye is!)
Friday night when I rolled in around midnight, I opened the door to my room and a tragic scene met my eyes. My beautiful blue wall had been adulterated with a horrible turquoise color. My peaceful little mural that my Aunt Karen had done for me, that had faithfully endured my teendom for six years, was half-covered by a thick and glutinous coat of this paint! It was a dark day, my friend. My room isn't long for this world! Woe betide this day!
But I seriously started clearing out. All I can say is Wow. Twelve-year-olds collect tons and tons of shit.
And that I'm very depressed about my room getting painted over. It'll be like I never even lived there. Man. The blue and the clouds - that is my room. I don't want to share with Kelly! It's MINE!
When I grow up, I don't want to be an idol with a face so much as I want to be a girl with a voice. I just want people to hear me. You know, I think I'd be perfectly fine - I KNOW I'd be fine - not being famous or very well-known. I think if I could be the Girl with the Voice every day of my life, I'd be okay with living in a little apartment as long as I could eat and sleep there. And that it wasn't infested with bugs. It would be enough to hear people commenting on the street, I went to see this show the other day, and the girl with the lead just had the most beautiful voice. I almost cried at the end. It'd be worth it.
Posted at 12:34 am by AoiHoshi
Monday, July 10, 2006
"Music is the light of my whole, whole life. Even though it shall be music (or some insane form of it) that will kill me next Saturday morning." - 10/18/03
"I wish I could just take everyone's angst away from them and dump it on some remote planet somewhere. Or put it on me. I could deal with it. I'm not crazy. I know I'm not going to take any strange pills or play with a razor blade any time soon." - 11/6/03
"After we left the mall... we went to Bueno and bothered Paul. I asked him if he whistled while he worked. 'No,' he said, 'but sometimes I hum.'... Paul is a very amusing kid." - 2/14/04
"I can't respect myself if I cry in front of someone, because I feel like I just want something - pity or attention or whatever - those aren't tears, they're a manipulative device!" - 5/3/04
"... and get what she did: a kick way up high. Her ankle could have kissed her ear... if her ankle had had lips... When she asked if there were any questions, I said 'Yeah, how do you get your leg to DO that?!' and she said that age-old cliche, 'it just takes practice and flexibility.' What she did not say was 'and legs longer than yours.'" - 6/8/04
"CAN THIS REALLY BE WHAT I HAVE BECOME?! LOOK AT ME!!!... I have been reduced to a ditzy blonde short teenager with a cell phone. Help." - 9/3/04
"Playing with fire is incredibly fun and dangerous... I just want to be an irrational teenager for once and not have to think about possible consequences until after I've done whatever it was that I shouldn't have." - 12/21/04
"I'm going to go tell my mother what wonderful creatures teenagers are, because we band together in times of crisis. Like freaking ice storms. And when somebody's cell phone goes off in class, and we all cough." - 1/6/05
"Today I awoke to a gorgeous sunrise. I only had to scrape a little ice off my windshield, and the sun was warm on my back as I did so. I left my jacket in the house. 'This is going to be a beautiful day,' I thought to myself.... I looked outside the windows of the cafeteria at 12:15 and it was snowing. That is hilarious." - 2/28/05
"I know they're trying to be nice, but I couldn't get into it. I feel sometimes that if I'm going to call myself a Christian like these people that I have to condemn myself to obscurity forever, and I just don't want to." - 3/23/05
"In other news, since this summer is the one where It All Begins, I've decided that I have to start disciplining myself and pushing myself and toning myself. I realized that if I want to do Broadway when I grow up, I have to be in shape. ("Horrors," said Elphaba, "horrors.")" - 5/26/05
"Sadaam Hussein, you have been tried for and found guilty of crimes against humanity. You are hereby sentenced to life eating celery without peanut butter." - 6/21/05
"It annoys me to no end when people can't spell the word "angel" and go around spelling it "angle." Not to hurt any feelings, but if I get to the light at the end of the tunnel and angles start leading me in, I'll know I'm in the wrong place. Hell is full of math, you see." - 7/2/05
Look at me! So different and strange now!
I will make a real entry later. Then again, it might just be a fake one...
Posted at 10:19 pm by AoiHoshi
Friday, June 30, 2006
1) How old do you wish you were?
21. At that point, you can do anything you want.
2) Where were you when 9/11 happened?
I was coming out of first hour in 8th grade, and Elizabeth latched onto me and said Somebody bombed the World Trade Center!
3) What do you do when vending machines steal your money?
Push the button - hard - over and over, and go "NNNOOO!"
4) Do you consider yourself kind?
Ish. Sometimes I'm a bitch.
5) If you had to get a tattoo, where and what would it be?
While this will never happen, if I really HAD to... it would be a tiny blue star, on my side, above my right hip. (TINY)
6) If you could be fluent in any other language what would it be?
Russian. Hardest language to learn I hear.
7) Do you know your neighbors?
Not really... I used to hang out with the boys my age that live there, but they're kinda douches now.
8)What do you consider a vacation?
Having fun in unfamiliar and EXCITING surroundings!
9) Do you follow your horoscope?
No, that's silly.
10) Would you move for the person you loved?
I'm not sure... how deep in am I? And where are we moving??... Wait, I live in Oklahoma. YES I'LL MOVE!
11) Are you touchy feely?
Not overly hippie-ish. But I enjoy that, yeah.
12) Do you believe that opposites attract?
Depends. You have to have some common ground.
13) Dream job?
"I need this job, oh God, I need this show..."
14) Favorite channel(s)
E! (sometimes), TLC... and I think that's all...
15) Favorite place to go on a weekend?
Far. Anywhere. Or, more likely, coffeehouses.
16) Showers or Bath?
Baths are nice, but take too long. Plus showers provide marvelous epiphanies!
17) Do you paint your nails?
Nnnnooo! They only get chipped and make my fingers look even more stubby than they already are!
18) Do you trust people easily?
I used to trust really, really easily; almost blindly. Now I don't think so...
19) What are your phobias?
Dropping from somewhere very high. (Nobody's really afraid of heights themselves, are they? They're scared they're going to fall.)
20) Do you want kids?
Yeah... probably 3. (Two causes intense rivalry, and four is such a big number...)
21) Do you keep a handwritten journal?
Hehehe. Depends what you mean by keeping it. Regular basis? Not a chance!
22) Where would you rather be right now?
On a very exciting and adventurous trip!
23) What makes you feel warm and safe?
Uhm... the notion of just sleeping next to someone under heavy blankets, and not doing anything.
24) Heavy or light sleep?
25) Are you paranoid?
Nnnno. I've seen paranoid. Paranoid I am not.
26) Are you impatient?
Yes. Yes I am.
27) Who can you relate to?
I'm fairly empathetic though, when I try...
28) How do you feel about interracial couples?
... they're great? Do people really mind anymore?
29) Have you been burned by love?
Yyyyyes. In fact at this moment my poor shredded heart is dripping blood. Like the cuts I inflicted upon myself; they emulate my inward pain. </3 (annnd the emo's done)
30) Whats your life motto??
You get one chance. Don't be flippant with it, but don't take it too seriously.
31) What's your main ring tone on your cell?
A fun little techno beat.
32) What were you doing at midnight last night?
Wasting time online!
34) Who's bed did you sleep in last night?
Mine! Whose else would I sleep in?
35) What color shirt are you wearing?
Very very faded black. (GUYS AND DOLLS!)
36) Most recent movie you watched?
Superman Returns. It was... really really awesome.
37) Name five things you have on you at all times.
My wallet, my keys, my cell phone, some form of vision correction... clothes.
38.) What color are your bed sheets?
Blue. With penguins. ^_^
39) How much cash do you have on you right now?
None. I'm in my PJs - a T-shirt - and not wearing pants.
40) What is your favorite part of chicken?
Dark meat! YUMMM
41) What's your favorite town/city?
As of right now, Chicago.
42) I can't wait till...
I GET TO SEE WICKED AFJ FGBRBGER!!!!!
43) Who got you to join myspace?
Humm. I think it was Dustin. So I joined it, and then I deleted it because I realized how stupid it was.
44) What did you have for dinner last night?
Ummm... heh heh. Barbecue chicken and rice. (That is all one item, by the way.)
45) How tall are you barefoot?
Five-two (AND A HALF!!!)
46) Have you ever smoked crack?
OFF A HOOKER'S ASS! (Wait. That makes me a druggie AND a lesbian!)
47) Do you own a gun?
48) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Honestly, iced tea.
49) What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
The hope that my habit of being disorganized and late to everything will be endearing, not annoying. (That may not work out too well...)
50) Do you have A.D.D.?
51) What time did you wake up today?
52) Current worry?
I won't like OCU. I won't like theatre performance. I won't get into the music theatre program in the fall.
53) Current hate?
The shortness of summer!
54) Favorite place to be?
Anywhere with music and interaction.
55) Where would you like to travel?
Off the continent! I'd love to take a cruise someday; I think I would spend the majority of my time at the front of the boat just watching the GIANT water in front of me.
56) Where do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
I hate that phrase. Ten years. So much of your life condensed down to such a throwaway phrase. (I've no idea. Wherever I take myself.)
57) Last thing you ate?
Two mints I took from my brotherrrrr!
58) What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever's in my head - lately, that Slow Fade of Love song. Scales sometimes, though.
59) Last person that made you laugh?
Dustyn, just now (a Transformers movie?!).
60) Worst injury you've ever had?
I got 3 stitches in my chin when I was ten.
61) Does someone have a crush on you?
62) What is your favorite candy?
Posted at 12:14 am by AoiHoshi
Friday, June 09, 2006
A Waste of Valuable Summer
So tomorrow I take the ACT. Again. For the fourth time. Call me obsessive if you wish; I know I can do better. (At least I'd better do better if I want to stay part of my family.) A twenty-something is an average score, and an upper-twenty-something is something most parents and colleges would be excited about. Not my parents, and not OCU. I have to get a 30. Repeat. This is my mantra. I must get a 30. I must be discounted ten-thousand dollars. Little dollars. Ten-THOUSAND of them. That's a lot of dollars.
I have been studying out of this damned ACT-practice book (that cost entirely too much for something made from recycled newspaper) for about a week and a half now, and during many a science reasoning practice run I have found myself longing to slit my wrists. I'm not even IN school any more. I graduated. I should be thinking thoughts that don't even BEGIN to relate to the Pythagorean Theorem, and directing my energy towards things that matter: A job. Money. Writing. Blithering on and on and on about musicals to anyone who will listen. Playing a hell of a lot more Capture the Flag. Consuming at least double the amount of blue popsicles I have had this summer. (Note: my total is one. I am not a cow.)
Tomorrow I will wake up hideously early for a Saturday in June, throw on clothes, wrestle a brush angrily through my hair, and stomp downstairs. I will toast myself a tiny bagel (because I don't like the word "mini") and stomp off to Jill, who will stomp off to QuikTrip so that we can have a nice drink together - me, syrupy coffee; her, very very expensive gasoline espresso. (How strange, to realize that coffee is, basically, bean juice. Wouldn't it be great if we could grow petroleum beans? Oh wait... that's ethanol.)
I will be so happy at noon tomorrow that you, my friend, may actually feel the happiness waves radiating off my person when the timer for section 4 has sounded - like Jean Grey when she got pissed and started doing menacing things with her mind, like levitating rocks. Oh - and vaporizing people. (But I won't do that. My happiness waves will only pleasantly tickle.)
I will go ghost-hunting. Mark my words. And it will be so damn fun. And I'll shoot myself a ghost, and tack it to my wall like a trophy. In fact, I dare any ghosts to try and scare me. I DARE THEM!!!!
Posted at 10:34 pm by AoiHoshi
I am eighteen. Eighteen eighteen eighteen. And this time last year, I couldn't believe I was going to be eighteen. It simply would not happen, because I couldn't picture it. I was seventeen and I had a magazine named after me, and I was ready for senior year.
I picked up my diploma today, and it was a weird experience. The short distance from my parking spot to the building, being right on top of a giant desert of asphalt, was gruellingly hot, and as I opened the door to the building a wall of cool air and the smell of cheap cleaning chemicals hit me. As I walked around the corner of the crosshall and up the stairs to the counseling office, I felt out of place - the classrooms were being gutted of desks and furniture in order to give the whole place a good cleaning, and all the orange-brown desks with multicolored chairs were turned on top of each other, tumbling all over the hallway. It smelled strongly of cleaner and of the thousands of layers of dust that collect in the back corners of janitor closets; and everything was tinted with that dim-fluorescent-light hue. Classroom doors were open, but the rooms were vacant - the teachers gone for the summer - but they all gave off a feeling of readyness for next year's batch to come on in. One teacher upstairs had already put up the little apples with smiley faces and pencils and rulers that we've known since elementary school, and an obligatory big tiger paw that said "Welcome back!" on her door. I found myself smirking at the hokeyness of overused paper cutouts (that have really never appealed to me, or to anyone, I think), and I was suddenly looking at the school from a different perspective - as an outsider. I was not a student here. I am an adult. This was not my school. I'd had a class in the next building over, and a locker that I never used in the building after that; but my school was a place I wasn't even familiar with, and wouldn't be able to navigate at all until around mid-September. My school won't have pointless lockers, or (I hope to God) hokey, stereotypical little paper cutouts for decorations. It will be where I live for the next four years - where I am, where my base of operations is, where my home is.
My sister and brothers are banding together in a desperate attempt to get me to move out of my room as quickly as possible. And while I'm letting Kelly have it, I don't really want to let it go. The school I can live without, but I've lived in this room since I was twelve. Aunt Karen painted stars on the wall and clouds on the ceiling for me, and Kelly's going to paint some lurid turquoise over them. And yes, I'm getting a dorm room - but it won't be my bed. And my bed is old (I must have been eight when I got it... yes, I still sleep on a twin mattress.) but it's so comfy; there's a "me" indention right in the middle, and I've heard that's bad for your back, but I don't care. I'm going to throw away the things I see no point in putting in the attic, and pack up what I can't take with me for storage - those boxes will sit alongside the boxes I labelled when we moved to the new house when I was eight, in a halting print and a fading black washable marker. What to take, and what to leave? Which aspects of Kate are going to persist till she's twenty-two? (My sharpie pants have to stay. They personify me, it's true... but they're falling apart.)
I really am in that part of life where home is not going to be home any more. I'm in that transition stage where I don't feel like I really belong in any particular place - not home as I've known it my whole life, but not college, either. And happening all at once, it's kind of terrifying. But in a really weird way... it's liberating. I'm not irrevocably tied to anything here at all, and I'm going to take a box of things to college with me, and that will be it - inside the box will be me. I'll have myself, and I'll be totally responsible for everything I do, right or wrong. I will be alone, by myself, until I get comfortable in my new base... but for the first time that I can recall, being at the mercy of my own complete responsibility doesn't sound overwhelming. It could be exciting, in fact.
Posted at 12:08 am by AoiHoshi
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Haven't seen one of these in awhile
If I were a month I would be:
October or November
If I were a day of the week I would be:
If I were a time of day I would be:
If I were a planet I would be:
Saturn... it has lots of pretty rings, and I like to feel... sparkly.
If I were a sea animal I would be:
A killer whale (I'm small but I pack a punch... what??)
If I were a direction I would be:
If I were a sin I would be:
If I were a historical figure I would be:
A middle-class teacher in England during the Industrial Revolution
If I were a liquid I would be:
Juice. Kiwi juice I think.
If I were a stone, I would be:
An opal (I definitely want an opal instead of a diamond on my engagement ring, because they're more colorful, they're cooler, and they're lots cheaper...)
If I were a tree, I would be:
A very big oak to build a treehouse in
If I were a bird, I would be:
A PENGUIN... or a nightingale
If I were a flower/plant, I would be:
A little red tulip
If I were a kind of weather, I would be:
A sixtyish, part-sunny-part-cloudy, dry autumn day
If I were a musical instrument, I would be:
If I were a color, I would be:
If I were a mythical creature, I would be:
If I were an emotion, I would be:
If I were an animal, I would be:
A songbird. Or a horse. Or a bunny.
If I were a vegetable, I would be:
A carrot. I love them.
If I were a sound, I would be:
The sound crystal glasses make when you rub your finger on the lip
If I were an element, I would be:
Water (every single damn quiz on Quizzila says so)
If I were a car, I would be:
A yellow Volkswagon bug. They're little and bubbley.
If I were a song, I would be:
I would not want to listen to, but be something classical, without words, so that every time someone listens to it they're allowed to think of new scenes. Rhapsody in Blue, maybe.
If I were a movie, I would be directed by:
Alfonso Cuaron or Peter Jackson (Needing final, definite endings and LOTS of them... guilty!)
If I were a book, I would be written by:
Donna Jo Napoli (She re-tells fairy tales... I love it.)
If I were a food, I would be:
A virgin strawberry daiquiri
If I were a place, I would be:
A clear lake, completely devoid of all bugs and disgusting crustaceanlike animals
If I were an object, I would be:
A handwritten letter by the actual US Postal Service
If I were a taste, I would be:
Sweet (Haha, surprised you, didn't I?)
If I were a religion, I would be:
If I were a word/s, I would be:
If I were a body part I would be:
If I were a facial expression I would be:
A silly smile (Or the photo-interrupting-maniac-face...)
If I were a subject in school I would be:
History. (Euro. There's so much to learn!)
If I were a cartoon character I would be:
The heroine's spunky best-friend sidekick
If I were a shape I would be a/an:
Square! (It's hip to be square...)
If I were a number I would be:
Eight (There are eight notes on the octave. Plus it rhymes with Kate!)
Posted at 01:46 am by AoiHoshi
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
There is no other joy on Earth greater than singing in your car. There. I've exposed it.
Well, I found something that pissed me off today: chain-prayers. They're apparently little cutesy messages saying "God bless you today, because I love you! Send this to ten people in ten minutes and something WONDERFUL will happen to you at 11:11 tonight! Remember that God's love is boundless! DON'T BREAK THIS PRAYER!"
So I will only be blessed beyond anything I ever hoped IF I annoy ten of my wonderful friends with this stupid chain-memo? God's love is boundless, you're right, but only if I hit "copy/paste" ten times?... I can't stand it. They've corrupted everything.
It is almost frightening how much I liked the virgin margaritas I had at Anna's a few weekends back. For some reason, salty and sour together in harmony is so very satisfying.
I have to get a job. I have to pay for gas somehow. All the interviews that I've had have gone to crud either because I'm leaving in August or because of the fact that I can't work on Sundays (and I'm really, really beginning to resent my father for making me go to church Sunday evenings). But you know what I'd really like to do? I'd like to give voice lessons. Really. I know lots of teachers take a vacation during the summer months and won't teach voice then, so there's a niche to fill. Granted, I can't play piano, but with only two months to work with I'd only teach technique anyway - and I can play scales. Voice lessons or craftmaking - making jewelry and purses to market off somewhere - are two jobs I'd really love, and wouldn't mind going to.
I don't want a job that I hate. I know that's unrealistic, but I cringe every time Alli tells me "I have to go to work," after turning down plans with everyone, because she really hates it. She's lied to get off work before, she hates her coworkers, and she hates the mindlessness it requires. I hated Mazzio's while I was there. Call me cliche, but my heart just wasn't in it. I'd find myself replying "Thank you" to someone who asked for a drink refill just because I knew I was supposed to be saying something polite and my brain had turned on autopilot. I don't want to do that ever again!
Maybe this insistence is a good thing. It means that in the adult world, I'll never settle for less than what I know I'm capable of. Right?
Posted at 11:25 pm by AoiHoshi